Message from the Minister-January-February
2002
Message du ministre janvier-février
2002
Dear Friends,
I used this illustration recently in a
sermon. There once was a famous preacher who always drew a capacity crowd
to the Cathedral. Whenever he spoke, an eccentric old woman sat in the
front pew directly beneath the pulpit. She took every opportunity to mumble
complaints and contradictions/ just loud enough for the Preacher to catch
the drift that he was not as wonderful as he was reputed to be. Others
seated down front glowered at the woman and tried to shush her but she
went right on needling the Preacher to her hearts content. When the old
woman died, the congregation was astounded at the depth and sincerity of
the Preacher's grief. Asked why he was so bereft, he responded, " now who
will help me to grow?"
I can't begin to enumerate the number of
times, occasions, experiences, events and people that have caused me to
grow as a human being, deepen as a person of faith and develop as a Spiritual
entity when differences of perception are in the air. Often times we see
complaints and criticisms and contradictions as an unhealthy indicator
of community life but not me. Conflict is inevitable, even necessary to
healthy group life. To disagree is evidence of caring and active involvement.
When issues arise and there is a vigorous exchange of views in an open,
non-combative situation the possibility for growth is greatest. Family
systems, like church systems, that invite the widest range of opinions
and information available will flourish because the best choice is always
made when more choices are available.
On the other hand, congregations and families
who do not deal with complaints, concerns and issues openly are more likely
to experience deeper pain and greater alienation from all parties concerned.
Non-verbal messages reverberate throughout the room and that message is
most often "something terrible is going to happen" if we talk openly. Bodies
stiff, arms folded, faces hard, eyes down, emotions up, does not a good
communication make.
I would invite us to consider the irony
of the group trying the hardest not to have conflict suffers grave damage
when it occurs and the group that invites conflict and disagreement most
often finds the experience constructive and even Sacred. It's Sacred because
people have taken the time and energy to talk through a difficult issue
and not talk about a difficult issue or even worse not talk at all. The
key is changing the attitudes that prevent churches and families from becoming
more engaging and creative in the resolution of long standing destructive
behaviours. We can all break loose from habits of unresolved pain.
Shaun E. Fryday
Shaun E. Fryday
P.S. I encourage you to sit in the pew in front of the pulpit on a regular basis. Who will help me grow?