Nineteen Things It Took
Me 50 Years To Learn!!
19 Choses qu j'ai appris
pendant 50 ans!!
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1. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.
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2. If you had to identify, in one
word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve,
its full potential,
that word would be "meetings."
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3. There is a very fine line between
"hobby" and "mental illness."
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4. People who want to share their
religious views with you
almost never want you to share
yours with them.
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5. And when God, who created the
entire universe with all of its glories,
decides to deliver a message to
humanity,
He WILL NOT use, as His messenger,
a person on cable TV with a bad
hairstyle.
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6. You should not confuse your career
with your life.
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7. No matter what happens, somebody
will find a way to take it too seriously.
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8. When trouble arises and things
look bad, there is always one individual
who perceives a solution and is willing
to take command.
Very often, that individual
is crazy.
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9. Nobody cares if you can't dance
well.
Just get up and dance.
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10. Never lick a steak knife.
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11. Take out the fortune before
you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in
the universe is gossip.
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13. You will never find anybody
who can give you a clear and compelling reason
why we observe daylight savings time.
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14. You should never say anything
to a woman
that even remotely suggests that
you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
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. 15. There comes a time when you should
stop expecting
other people to make a big deal
about your birthday.
That time is age eleven.
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16. The one thing that unites all
human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion,
economic status or ethnic background,
is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are
above average drivers.
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17. The main accomplishment of almost
all organized protests
is to annoy people who are not in them.
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18. A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention.
It never fails.)
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19. Your friends love you anyway.