Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the banker started screaming hysterically. His car, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the banker finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

     "I can't believe how materialistic you bankers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

    "How can you say such a thing?" asked the banker arrogantly. 

     The cop replied, "Didn't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

     "Oh hell!" screamed the banker. "Where's my Rolex?"

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"

"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "Come with us."

"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. 
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass in the field behind my home is nearly a foot tall."

      "Hello Mr Hussein," a heavily accented voice says, "This is Paddy down in County Meath, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you."

     "Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

     "At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbors Gerry and the entire darts team from the pub - That makes 8!"

     Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word."

     "Oh damn" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"

     Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

     "What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asks.

     "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."

     Once more Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 16 thousand tanks, 2 thousand mine layers, 14 thousand armored cars and my army has grown to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."

    "Oh dear God!" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!" 

     Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day.  "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've kitted out old Ted's crop sprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"

     Once more Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers and 20 thousand Mig 109 high maneuverability attack planes and my military complex is surrounded by laser Guided surface to air missile sites and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."

    "Oh nuts," says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." 

     Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

     "I'm very sorry to hear that," says Saddam, "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "We've all had a chat and there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners."