A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez-vous français?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare italiano?" No response,
"Hablan ustedes Español?" Still nothing. the Swiss man drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
The first man prayed to God saying,
"Please God, give me the strength to cross
this river."
Poof!
God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God
saying,
"Please God, give me the strength and
ability to cross this river."
Poof !
God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour.
The third man had seen how this worked
out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying,
"Please God, give me the strength, ability,
and INTELLIGENCE to cross this river."
And Poof!
God turned him into a woman.
She looked at the map, then walked across
the nearby bridge in about ten minutes.
In a small Southern
town in the American Deep South there was a nativity scene
that indicated great
skill and talent in its creation.
One small feature
bothered me though.
The three wise men
were wearing firemen's helmets.
Totally unable to
come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a "Quik Stop"
on the edge of town, I asked the lady
behind the counter
about the helmets.
She exploded into
a rage, yelling at me,
"You darnn Yankees
never do read the Bible!"
I assured her that
I did, but simply couldn't recall anything
about firemen in
the Bible.
She jerked her Bible
from behind the counter
and ruffled through
some pages,
and finally jabbed
her finger at a particular passage.
Sticking it in my
face she said, "See, it says right here,
'The three wise
men came from afar'"
After dinner, she
went into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She was met by two
of the Brothers. The first one says,
"Hello, I am Brother
Michael, and this is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased
to meet you," replies the nun. "I just wanted to
thank you for a
wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best
I've ever had. Out
of curiosity, who cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turned to the other Brother and said, "Then you must be...?"
"Yes, I'm afraid
so ... I am the chip monk."
"Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, do your best and just
remember,
if it doesn't go well, if something happens
to me....
your mother is going to come and live
with you and your wife."